A Sorrowful Afternoon...

My wife and I went to a Life Celebration today for the wife of an ex-coworker of hers.

I really need to preface my comments on the ceremony with some background on a few things... and sorry for the randomness of these thoughts, but it's hard to give a fully coherent description all at once.

First, the company my wife used to work for is, in general, full of pretty superficial people who can barely spell ethics or morality. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. The ex-coworker who's wife just passed last week is basically the opposite of what you would expect from people at this company. He and his wife, who I'm sorry to say I never got to know, are people of obvious and amazing moral fiber. They are a couple strongly rooted in Christian values and have both utterly and completely devoted their lives to Christ. In what little time I did spend with this co-worker of my wife's, it was apparent that he was about as good of a person that you could find. Always giving, caring and there for you if you needed him.

He actually reminds me of my father. Not in looks, but in personality who I have grown to respect greatly in recent years. This brings me to the second piece of information that I need to share with you... I was raised in a strict Baptist home and until I was in my Sophomore year in High School, I really thought that the Christian life was the only way to live. Not that I was so naive to believe that there were not people out there living other ways (the news can teach 5 yr. old that!), but I grew up with people raised a certain way and those friends and their families were all that I knew. My eyes began to open in HS, but I must say that it happened slowly at first. Soon, I figured out that what I was taught and believed in was really not how most people lived... Not my parents, not my friends, or their parents... (Not to mention that out of all people who call themselves religious, Christianity represents under %40). It was like I became aware of the reality of sin, hypocrisy and the lack of truth in those I trusted all at once. I quickly gained extreme annimosity towards my parents, and later to so many others. It hit me at home much harder than anywhere else because that is where I felt most betrayed. I became rebellious and as I left home to go off to college, I vowed to myself that I would no longer be told truth, but would find it myself.

In order to find truth, I needed knowledge... and LOTS of it!!! I only knew one way of living, one set of values and it wasn't that I dissagreed with them... I just didn't come up with them myself. I needed to learn. About people. About lifestyles. About options. About all religious faiths. Only then could I come up with how and who I wanted to be.

So... Let me get to how this relates to today... As I sat for 2 1/2 hours listening to how amazing this woman was and how abruptly she was taken. I heard about the ways in which she enriched the lives of those around her. I was inspired by comments that described her to not be perfect, but as close to Christ-like as people could imagine. Now, I am still not an avid church goer and still have serious problems with man-made organized religion, but I have come to terms with my faith enough to be ok with the fact that I do believe in a higher power... That being a good, righteous, moral or "whatever you want to call it" person is the right thing and something that I will continue to aspire to be.

In hearing the descriptions of the life of this amazing woman, I am encouraged. Encouraged by the fact that she proved something to all of us... That although we as human beings are not good by nature (as I will never believe we are), we can make the commitment to ourselves, mankind and our "higher power" that we will conciously make an effort to be good and to do good... In our own lifes and the lives of those around us... Whatever that means, in the end, we CAN succeed.