about the days many years ago when I had dropped out of college (where I did most of the things that would haunt me for years to come...), had no clue of who I was or wanted to be, and was just existing. I waited tables, drank, smoked, numbing myself with that and trying have a good time. I didn't know how I had gotten to the place I was mentally, developing as a person... My family always directed my life and I was too naive to know that wouldn't work. I figured that out the hard-way and before I started taking care of myself, I just existed... in this haze of looking back trying desperately to find out what went wrong and why I didn't see my life as I should have... Resentment filled me... to all those who said they loved me, but I didn't feel that they had every really cared about what I wanted for myself, just what they wanted for me. It would take a long time to get through all of this... I wanted a way out, but I could not find it.
Back then, Siamese Dream (the Pumpkins' second album), was a staple and as I said in my previous blog... Mayonaise really struck a chord in me. Excited and thinking about the show this weekend, I went and read the lyrics to that song which brought these thoughts out... and in reading these lyrics, it was easy to see why I felt (and still feel) this way about Mayo.
"Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June
We'll try and ease the pain
But somehow we'll feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go
I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
I'm rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream
And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will
Mother weep the years I'm missing
All our time can't be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad
When I can, I will
Words defy the plans
When I can, I will
Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, I'll always feel this
No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will"
When you have a few minutes, listen to this song in the player on this page. It's so much more moving with the music.
- MC
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label me. Show all posts
Monday, November 12, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Ralph Waldo Emerson...
So I was watching one of my favorite shows last night, Good Eats, and Alton Brown quoted Emerson... Now I was never an avid reader, but luckily my wife is and has helped me appreciate literature. I'm still an infant when it comes to reading, but am working on getting books under my belt (my wife says slowly though as she reads 5 or 6 books to my 1 ;-). Anyway, the reason this quote hit home with me is that it pretty much describes me perfectly!!!
"There is always a best way of doing everything, if it be to boil an egg." - Emerson
Ok... so it's a cooking show, but I think one of the reasons I like it so much is that Alton talks about the science behind it which my analytical mind eats up. In almost every episode, he shows that there really is a "best" way of cooking and he tells you why.
So, part of my personality (one that frustrates my loving wife to NO END!!!) is that I always think of things in that same way. In my mind, there's almost always is a "best" way of doing things. I hate this part of me sometimes because it really makes things frustrating for people around me. My wife has helped me greatly with letting go when it's something silly, but it doesn't mean my head still hurts from seeing it done the "wrong" way!!! I'm pretty sure this trait is just part of me, but my mom is the same way so I'm sure it's learned as well.
Anyone else have the same personality trait where they feel like there is always a "best" way of doing everything? When it frustrates you to see someone fill the dishwasher in-efficiantly and you just want to re-do the whole thing??? Maybe you are stuck riding in a car with someone who just is NOT taking the "best" route to where you are going and you just want to rip the wheel out of their hand!!! LOL
Well, let me hear your stories so I don't feel like I'm alone here!!!
Off this subject... I leave you with a few really cool Emerson quotes I found...
"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."
"A friend is one before whom I may think aloud." - I LOVE this one!!!
"We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul." - OK Seriously... how many times did you have to read this??? or did you just give up? ;-)
"To be great is to be misunderstood."
"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."
- MC
"There is always a best way of doing everything, if it be to boil an egg." - Emerson
Ok... so it's a cooking show, but I think one of the reasons I like it so much is that Alton talks about the science behind it which my analytical mind eats up. In almost every episode, he shows that there really is a "best" way of cooking and he tells you why.
So, part of my personality (one that frustrates my loving wife to NO END!!!) is that I always think of things in that same way. In my mind, there's almost always is a "best" way of doing things. I hate this part of me sometimes because it really makes things frustrating for people around me. My wife has helped me greatly with letting go when it's something silly, but it doesn't mean my head still hurts from seeing it done the "wrong" way!!! I'm pretty sure this trait is just part of me, but my mom is the same way so I'm sure it's learned as well.
Anyone else have the same personality trait where they feel like there is always a "best" way of doing everything? When it frustrates you to see someone fill the dishwasher in-efficiantly and you just want to re-do the whole thing??? Maybe you are stuck riding in a car with someone who just is NOT taking the "best" route to where you are going and you just want to rip the wheel out of their hand!!! LOL
Well, let me hear your stories so I don't feel like I'm alone here!!!
Off this subject... I leave you with a few really cool Emerson quotes I found...
"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."
"A friend is one before whom I may think aloud." - I LOVE this one!!!
"We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul." - OK Seriously... how many times did you have to read this??? or did you just give up? ;-)
"To be great is to be misunderstood."
"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."
- MC
Sunday, November 4, 2007
A Sorrowful Afternoon...
My wife and I went to a Life Celebration today for the wife of an ex-coworker of hers.
I really need to preface my comments on the ceremony with some background on a few things... and sorry for the randomness of these thoughts, but it's hard to give a fully coherent description all at once.
First, the company my wife used to work for is, in general, full of pretty superficial people who can barely spell ethics or morality. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. The ex-coworker who's wife just passed last week is basically the opposite of what you would expect from people at this company. He and his wife, who I'm sorry to say I never got to know, are people of obvious and amazing moral fiber. They are a couple strongly rooted in Christian values and have both utterly and completely devoted their lives to Christ. In what little time I did spend with this co-worker of my wife's, it was apparent that he was about as good of a person that you could find. Always giving, caring and there for you if you needed him.
He actually reminds me of my father. Not in looks, but in personality who I have grown to respect greatly in recent years. This brings me to the second piece of information that I need to share with you... I was raised in a strict Baptist home and until I was in my Sophomore year in High School, I really thought that the Christian life was the only way to live. Not that I was so naive to believe that there were not people out there living other ways (the news can teach 5 yr. old that!), but I grew up with people raised a certain way and those friends and their families were all that I knew. My eyes began to open in HS, but I must say that it happened slowly at first. Soon, I figured out that what I was taught and believed in was really not how most people lived... Not my parents, not my friends, or their parents... (Not to mention that out of all people who call themselves religious, Christianity represents under %40). It was like I became aware of the reality of sin, hypocrisy and the lack of truth in those I trusted all at once. I quickly gained extreme annimosity towards my parents, and later to so many others. It hit me at home much harder than anywhere else because that is where I felt most betrayed. I became rebellious and as I left home to go off to college, I vowed to myself that I would no longer be told truth, but would find it myself.
In order to find truth, I needed knowledge... and LOTS of it!!! I only knew one way of living, one set of values and it wasn't that I dissagreed with them... I just didn't come up with them myself. I needed to learn. About people. About lifestyles. About options. About all religious faiths. Only then could I come up with how and who I wanted to be.
So... Let me get to how this relates to today... As I sat for 2 1/2 hours listening to how amazing this woman was and how abruptly she was taken. I heard about the ways in which she enriched the lives of those around her. I was inspired by comments that described her to not be perfect, but as close to Christ-like as people could imagine. Now, I am still not an avid church goer and still have serious problems with man-made organized religion, but I have come to terms with my faith enough to be ok with the fact that I do believe in a higher power... That being a good, righteous, moral or "whatever you want to call it" person is the right thing and something that I will continue to aspire to be.
In hearing the descriptions of the life of this amazing woman, I am encouraged. Encouraged by the fact that she proved something to all of us... That although we as human beings are not good by nature (as I will never believe we are), we can make the commitment to ourselves, mankind and our "higher power" that we will conciously make an effort to be good and to do good... In our own lifes and the lives of those around us... Whatever that means, in the end, we CAN succeed.
I really need to preface my comments on the ceremony with some background on a few things... and sorry for the randomness of these thoughts, but it's hard to give a fully coherent description all at once.
First, the company my wife used to work for is, in general, full of pretty superficial people who can barely spell ethics or morality. I know it sounds harsh, but it's true. The ex-coworker who's wife just passed last week is basically the opposite of what you would expect from people at this company. He and his wife, who I'm sorry to say I never got to know, are people of obvious and amazing moral fiber. They are a couple strongly rooted in Christian values and have both utterly and completely devoted their lives to Christ. In what little time I did spend with this co-worker of my wife's, it was apparent that he was about as good of a person that you could find. Always giving, caring and there for you if you needed him.
He actually reminds me of my father. Not in looks, but in personality who I have grown to respect greatly in recent years. This brings me to the second piece of information that I need to share with you... I was raised in a strict Baptist home and until I was in my Sophomore year in High School, I really thought that the Christian life was the only way to live. Not that I was so naive to believe that there were not people out there living other ways (the news can teach 5 yr. old that!), but I grew up with people raised a certain way and those friends and their families were all that I knew. My eyes began to open in HS, but I must say that it happened slowly at first. Soon, I figured out that what I was taught and believed in was really not how most people lived... Not my parents, not my friends, or their parents... (Not to mention that out of all people who call themselves religious, Christianity represents under %40). It was like I became aware of the reality of sin, hypocrisy and the lack of truth in those I trusted all at once. I quickly gained extreme annimosity towards my parents, and later to so many others. It hit me at home much harder than anywhere else because that is where I felt most betrayed. I became rebellious and as I left home to go off to college, I vowed to myself that I would no longer be told truth, but would find it myself.
In order to find truth, I needed knowledge... and LOTS of it!!! I only knew one way of living, one set of values and it wasn't that I dissagreed with them... I just didn't come up with them myself. I needed to learn. About people. About lifestyles. About options. About all religious faiths. Only then could I come up with how and who I wanted to be.
So... Let me get to how this relates to today... As I sat for 2 1/2 hours listening to how amazing this woman was and how abruptly she was taken. I heard about the ways in which she enriched the lives of those around her. I was inspired by comments that described her to not be perfect, but as close to Christ-like as people could imagine. Now, I am still not an avid church goer and still have serious problems with man-made organized religion, but I have come to terms with my faith enough to be ok with the fact that I do believe in a higher power... That being a good, righteous, moral or "whatever you want to call it" person is the right thing and something that I will continue to aspire to be.
In hearing the descriptions of the life of this amazing woman, I am encouraged. Encouraged by the fact that she proved something to all of us... That although we as human beings are not good by nature (as I will never believe we are), we can make the commitment to ourselves, mankind and our "higher power" that we will conciously make an effort to be good and to do good... In our own lifes and the lives of those around us... Whatever that means, in the end, we CAN succeed.
Virgin Blog - Introduction
Well... Here we go.
This is my first official blog!!! My wife has become completely addicted to this and says that it is a great way to express thoughts, opinions and to generally get things off her chest.
For me, I think it will help get stuff out of my head even if documenting what craziness is coming from my brain ;)
So... With that said, Let me introduce myself. I am happily married to a beautiful woman who is carrying our 1st child. We are at 15 wks and are so excited to become parents!!!
We are both musicians at heart although neither of us make a living that way. We are in a band together where she sings and I play the bass and we both share in the writing. Unfortunately, we lost our drummer to med school recently... Pretty good timing though as the wife can't really be playing the smokey joints that requires.
I work in IT and just switched from development / architecture to sales. Been an interesting transition and I can already say that I truly enjoy the travel and customer relationship building piece of sales, BUT I am already missing the brain workouts required to do the heavy coding and architecture of these complicated systems.
I have been in the Medical IT arena since I graduated and let me tell you... if you like to work your mind; this is a great way to do it. The complexities of the business logic are extreme, but I really love the extreme challenges that come with that ever-changing territory.
Anyway... I will continue to share my thoughts as randomly as they occur and I hope to find others that were given an over-analytical mind that works constantly... trying desperately to figure out the great complexities of this world we all live in!
This is my first official blog!!! My wife has become completely addicted to this and says that it is a great way to express thoughts, opinions and to generally get things off her chest.
For me, I think it will help get stuff out of my head even if documenting what craziness is coming from my brain ;)
So... With that said, Let me introduce myself. I am happily married to a beautiful woman who is carrying our 1st child. We are at 15 wks and are so excited to become parents!!!
We are both musicians at heart although neither of us make a living that way. We are in a band together where she sings and I play the bass and we both share in the writing. Unfortunately, we lost our drummer to med school recently... Pretty good timing though as the wife can't really be playing the smokey joints that requires.
I work in IT and just switched from development / architecture to sales. Been an interesting transition and I can already say that I truly enjoy the travel and customer relationship building piece of sales, BUT I am already missing the brain workouts required to do the heavy coding and architecture of these complicated systems.
I have been in the Medical IT arena since I graduated and let me tell you... if you like to work your mind; this is a great way to do it. The complexities of the business logic are extreme, but I really love the extreme challenges that come with that ever-changing territory.
Anyway... I will continue to share my thoughts as randomly as they occur and I hope to find others that were given an over-analytical mind that works constantly... trying desperately to figure out the great complexities of this world we all live in!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
